The True Nature of Love - part 4, Energetic Clarity” ~Robert Burney
I will be the first to admit that I am in total recovery mode when it comes to having a co-dependent nature, but I will say there is hope! I have been working with my teachers over the past several years and I am discovering a language and a way of being that is free of shame and needing the approval of others. I have been the girl that shouted, "You make me feel...." I have used shame to manipulate. I have treated myself with disrespect as I attempted to stereotype my emotions, "I have it all together and I never get angry." Bullshit! We all have a propensity towards anger, but how can we express it in a healthy way? Let's be real so that we can heal!!
I discovered the work of Robert Burney and his book is changing my relationship towards co-dependency. So what does co-dependency look like? We learn these behaviors in childhood. Take a breath friends. We can't change what we don't acknowledge, and we are not victims, we are victors!
So here's what it looks like from Robert Burney:
- Emotional Dishonesty - keep up appearances and don't show vulnerability.
- As children we learned that we had power over other people's feelings ( you make me angry, you hurt my feelings, etc.)
- Being emotional is considered negative (falling apart, loosing it coming unglued)
- Gender stereotypes set twisted, unhealthy models for acceptable emotional behavior. (real men don't cry, it is not lady like to get angry)
- Parents without healthy self esteem see their children as extensions of self that can be either assets or deficits in their own quest for self worth.
- Shame, manipulations, verbal and emotional abuse are considered standard tools for behavior modification in a loving relationship.
- Long embedded societal attitudes support the belief that it is shameful (to be human make mistakes, not be perfect, to be selfish, etc.)
Lets keep talking and growing. Exploring and expressing. Lets support one another as we do our personal work so that we can be in right relationship with ourselves so that we can be in right relationship with another!
May You Sweetly Seek:)