She grew up with loss and a certain amount of defeat as both her mother and younger brother died when she was just a young girl. She always had a melancholy look to her no matter the direction she was facing. There was part of her that lived in the past; in this space she appeared to be most content. She was a devoted wife to my grandfather Gregg, and mother to my Mom-Nancy, my Aunt-Judy, and my Uncle-John. She lived, she loved, and she died in such a fashion that I feel inspired to live, to love, to make it count.
Here's an excerpt that I wrote and shared during her service...reading it today takes me right back...
We all sit with you in the hours of your life…as death looms like an anxious storm ready to shower the Earth with a cleansing rain. We fumble around you attempting to ease your spiritual transcending, but it is us who must endure, while we watch your vessel return to pure light. The brownest eyes staring back at us, the sweetest and pinkest skin covering your body, I wonder how death could have found you in your beauty. I have never studied a soul like I have studied you…watching the breath slip into your mouth and fill you. Circulating life through the stages of death. What a gift you are giving us. Your heart simply breaking to open …I stare at your hands so often, wondering how many times they have clung to your children, how many times they have planted a garden or sewn a dress, how many times they have embraced your loved ones, how many times they have been folded in prayer, and how many times they have woven together our lives.
We shall miss you so, but we delight in your journey home. I have never looked at life this way before as I watch it slowly fade out of your grasp. A devoted heart to life, you also become to death. Honoring its presence and fully allowing it to run its course. I am in wonder of the grace that you possessed as death surmounted to bring you home. The aches of seeing your family echo off the walls of this sterile hospital room and I know there is a reunion of sorts that I can only imagine. I hear your bellows and I stroke your forehead hoping to comfort this new visitor who has come for you. Scrambling for comfort I sit in silence and weep for your journey. My heart aches as I breath in your physical presence, hoping to make it last a lifetime.
I see grandpa moving in for a kiss, his hands trembling as I can only imagine his trepedation as he watches his love fade into the ethers. His adoration permeates my gaze and I watch his tender goodbye...We see you brown eyed girl...with complete knowing and assurance that your homecoming is blessed beyond our imagination. Take care as we humbly stumble around your side, clutching at our memories and solitude. Feeling sadness and joy...breathing you in and letting you go...We will not weep for long as you make your journey back to being whole...back to the brilliance of a thousand breaths...
May you Sweetly Seek,
In much Gratitude:)